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Interview with Wanda Sykes
by Jason Marsden, Executive Director
MP: You've been a huge advocate for equality and have had the ability, I think, to cut through the way people see these issues because you have the advantage of humor to help focus the mind. So, thanks very much for talking to us. You went through a sort of public coming-out experience in the media, which is of course different from what a 15-year-old in a rural high school might go through, but they may feel they're experiencing some of the same things that you experienced doing it in the spotlight. Did you come away from that with any observations about this whole coming out business? How it works in this country and how people respond to it?
WS: I think the most difficult thing about coming out is just getting to that place where you're comfortable with who you are. And you're sayin' "Hey, this is OK," and just accepting yourself and not caring what other people think. Because if you don't have that confidence in who you are, then, if things don't go the way you wish that they will, if people aren't accepting, then they can easily tear you down if you're not prepared and comfortable with who you are. I think that's the major step, just being comfortable with who you are. Its been very positive for me. I haven't had any negative feedback. It hasn't affected my career at all-if anything, I think it has made me a better performer, because I'm totally open and not really concerned about, "Oh, OK, if I say this then people may put two and two together and figure something out." So it's very liberating. (When) you don't have anything to hide then you're taking away people's weapons-because that's the thing that people use to hurt you. I wish I had done it sooner but then I go, "Maybe I wasn't ready." So it was just the right time and the right place for me, and no regrets. I think with teenagers coming out at a young age, I envy that. I think, "Good for them," because as soon as they get to that point, they can really live their life and be their true self. So it's courageous of them. But at the same time I think they will find it very liberating.
MP: Did you come away with any observations about why it is that people are so interested in sexuality or other deeply personal attributes of celebrities in this culture? It's certainly got a lot of people's attention, and it must have been an odd experience to have so many people so interested in it.
Wanda Sykes:That is the weird thing to me. I don't know why people want to know. Unless you plan on having a relationship with them, or if you want to have sex with that person, why would you care? I really don't know what the fascination is. But I think it's just-I hope it's just salacious-and people, for some reason, feel like they have a right to know, especially when you're a public person. When you're a celebrity, people feel like they should be able to know everything about you. As a comedian I don't think they look at me as a sexual person, but I can see where with actors it would be a little difficult for them, because it's part of their mystique-it gives them an easier time to change characters and people aren't going "They're gay, so I don't know if I'm gonna buy this guy with this girl." It's weird. I don't think it's fair (that) it's only done with us-it seems like they just accept everyone as straight and go along with it, and then it's "Oh, they're gay!" and make a big deal out of it. I know we have a ways to go, but it would be so cool when we get to that place where it just doesn't matter, nobody cares.
MP:You're openly lesbian, a person of color, and a woman. How are these experiences similar and how do they differ in terms of working in the entertainment industry? Do different rules apply to people based on their gender or skin color? Have you perceived that ,and is it different than how you're treated given your sexual orientation?
WS:I haven't seen any change, really. I think it is because I am out and this has opened me up to more opportunities, career-wise. So it has helped. But then again, I'm a comedian so I'm not waiting around for someone to write a part for me. I don't have to wait for somebody else to create my next job. I have the ability to basically write my own ticket: "OK so there's no TV shows, no movies going on, fine. I love going on stage and performing standup." So my situation is a little better than someone who's strictly just an actor or actress. It is funny though being out; now I get a little confused because before I'd go to a restaurant or something, especially not in one of our major cities, or, you know, you're on the road and you get bad service or you get the crappy table, and I could attribute it to racism. I'd go, "Oh, OK, so this is a black thing-I get it!" But now that happens (and) I go, "Hmm, I wonder, is this a gay thing or a black thing, which one? Where do I put this hate?" (Laughs) It used to be very easy when I (would) file my hate, it (could) all go underneath the black file. But now I get confused-I don't know where to put it.
MP:Your humor is very political, its very topical and there's a lot of LGBT related issues that are going through the news (that) have many of us scratching our heads (as to) why people think what they do, given either the marriage debate and the trial that's going on over Proposition 8, or the recent moves to finally repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Do you now feel a little more empowered to use material related to that? Are you as interested in using those issues in your comedy, as you were before coming out, or more so?
WS:Yeah, very interested, as long as I can find the humor, that's always my focus. Of course I want to continue to speak out on LGBT issues and to get the word out there and hopefully help move things along, or at least get people talking. The key to me is, it has to be funny. So yeah, I'm lookin' for the good joke (on) "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and (I'll) continue to speak for marriage equality. But now instead of talking about the legal aspects of it, I can draw from personal experience, because I am married. The more I say "my wife," it helps with the conversation, (to) at least get the dialogue going on out there.
MP:How do you find the humor in a lot of these stories? There are often well-meaning gay and lesbian people trying to be treated fairly, and some obstinate political body is standing in their way-how do figure out how to find the humor in the middle of that situation?
WS: Wow, good question. Sometimes you can't-and when I don't, then it's me just being angry, and it's not the right place for it if I'm doing comedy, if I'm doing standup shows. But I'm out there at the demonstrations. I'm part of Equality California. So there are ways I can voice my opinion if I can't find the humor in it. But I'm always trying to find the joke, because I think that's when it's easier to get the message across-people are a bit more open to it.
MP:One final question: how do you feel about the difference between marriage and the domestic partnership that exists in California? You mentioned that a little bit, but how do you see the difference and how do you describe it to people if they ask you what is more meaningful about marriage as an institution?
WS:There are just so many more laws and rules that apply with marriage that do not come with domestic partnership. Also, to me, it's the commitment. I'm married, that's my wife, (we) made a vow to stay together 'til death do us part, and all that is very important to both of us. My wife is French and although she is a citizen now, if she (weren't) a citizen, domestic partnership would not get her the rights to have a green card. There are just so many things-especially now that we have kids, if something happens to one of us, you can go to a lawyer and get a will and do all those things, but all those things can be contested in a court of law,. But when you're married, its kinda hard to fight that.
MP:I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to talk to us. We are so appreciative, and good luck with everything you're doing.
WS:Oh thank you. I appreciate all the work that you guys are doing too. It's just so important, and thank you.
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